It's My Music, I'll PLay It Loud If I Want To

7am I woke up this morning to ensure my bursary form got to university by a friend of mine. So by 8am I was bored and home, wondering what to do with my morning. I saw my neighbour's car outside, so thought best to not play my music (i considered this at 7am after she a year ago ratted me out to her annoying mother across the street, who then bitched to my dad). And actually, when I got out my car and to my front door this morning, i saw the crazy cow peeking out between her blinds, then cowering behind them when i looked at her. So I figured "Hmmm she's awake then and alert enough to be nosy, music wont be a problem." So it got to about 8.30 and I decided it's my room, my music, and i'll play it. So I did. Ten minutes later the b**** starts banging on my wall. So I press the volume down one notch, and choose to not retaliate. 5 minutes later, she bangs again. So what do I do? I swung my knee up to the wall and bash it back. And sure thing she stopped. Until 15 minutes later when the cow bashed again. And this was all after hearing her insolent annoying 12 year old son wailing like a banshee (the noises i hear from that house are seriously disturbing). its was 9am...whats her problem!!! My music was on for a total of 40 minutes you can hardly accuse me of noise pollution. Lazy moo shouldn't still be in bed, to be quite frank! And you don't hear me banging on her wall when he kid is bashing his basketball against the back of the house for 2 hours straight (its bounced so hard, the mirror on my wall SHAKES, no jokes). i don't complain when she has her music loud, or their screaming and babyish noise making wakes me up at 8am. So it's my room, my stereo, and I'll play it loud of I want to. It's not like it's particularly bad choice in music. Paramore's new album is dead agreeable. Not that I can say the same for her Westlife and Enrique Inglesias drool.

The next time she bangs the wall at 8.30-9am, the volume is going UP for an entire song =D

Return To The Present

So again it has been a while. I honestly completely forgot...to be honest!!!! It occurred to me the other day "oh man I have a blog!" And so I am here. Typing what I want to say, so that one day, when I have the time to do thee ole COPY AND PASTE, I will have a second diary.

I've started my third year, and have ventured off to university in luton. And I hate it already, despite not even starting classes yet! 25 mile round journeys twice a week, £5 parking and stupid, unhelpful tutors (as of yet) and I'm praying for a small miracle that everything will come together and my photography degree will fall upon my lap and I shall be proud of it.

So the Summer has been insanely busy, with the boyf moving out, myself working, deciding whther to move out too, applying for loans and grants; all whilst having a mini panic about "what the hell am I going to do next year??!!" And so I have decided...a long holiday!!! Somewhere with sand, sun, cocktails and a pool. I have so many dreams, and I want them all right now. I guess turning 21 had made me realise these dreams, an also that not only can they happen, but I dont have to worry about getting it all done RIGHT now.

I just know how short life is. I dont want to waste a minute of it.

So I'm happier in this place in my life than I have ever been. Two years ago, I so was not ready for anything. Now I'm ready to move out, live life to the fullest and becoming an adult. I blame the boyfriend entirely for this. I fit wasn't for him, i'd be as naieve and scared as I was 2 years ago, and not even contemplating the thought of travelling, houses, marriage and babies.

I'm 21, and it's so corny, but life really is just beginning....

Back From Hell

Wow, it's been almost three months. Where have I been hiding?!!

Loads has happened. My second year at uni is over this week, I have four assignments due in by Thursday, hence why I'm up typing at this ridiculous hour. So glad that's almost over with, yet I'm so anxious to get it all right while I can because I don't think I could bare failing this year and not gettin gonto my BA Honours year.
We graduate In July. What's even the point in graduating for a Foudation Degree of the Arts? In a year I'll be graduating again with a Bachelor of the Arts with Honours *touch wood*, so it does seem rather silly. But hey, the more letters, the better! :D

So have I had any important life changing thinga happen? Well I don't know about that. I'm trying to decide between Masc or PC (long boring story involving a retailer giving me a s*** laptop thats not fit for a monkey), had the BIG one year anniversary with my man last month, and he is moving out! At long last he has found his own house/bungalow. He hasn't moved in, signed any agreement or even agreed on rent, but I'm sure it will be fine as its his Aunt's property. I'm really excited for him. And us! Although I'm not moving in, I have been put into a position where I've been thinknig a hell of a lot lately about my future and how much I have changed. And I have to say, compared to two years ago, I'm a much more fulfilled person than I was before, and it;s safe to sya, I'm more excited than scared of moving on now. And I really think i can do it for once.

So I've applied for a £3k loan for tuition fees for next year. Yes, I took the giant leap and took the loan! So here I will be sitting, with a load of money in my ISA I had intedned to pay tuition fees with. What do i do with it?? It seems sad to waste it on rent, so maybe I'll stay at home for another year and wait until I am working more hours.Do I buy the new car I wanted? What on Earth do I do with three grand?

ENJOY IT!!!! The firs time ever, I can enjoy it!

Sensibly, of course. I'm the worst person ever to spend money, I constantly have to get a bargain! But it's gonig to be a 5 month Summer, and I intend on making it the best Summer I've ever had!!!!

Road trip, anyone???

Love, Life, Death, Dealing

All the news about Jade Goody dying has really...well upset me I guess. It's really made me think about my own mortality and of those around me I love. I realise I've actually had a really easy life not coping with any death...and keep finding myself assessing a hypothetical situation where someone close to me dies. And I hate how I know I will feel. But I continue to live in this stupid bubble like a child, who is ignoring death and dealing with loss because it's too scary and heartbreaking to think about. And all it does is take me back to the one time that I lost something special to me. That break up is the only thing slightly comparable to death. How sad is that? Only, I was so crushed and devastated; and still not able to get over HIM even today...nearly two years since he dumped me. But all the feelings towards him after it ended are the only things to draw reference from to discovering what it could be like to loose someone to death. And all that is only made worse as people keep managing around me to bring Portsmouth up into a conversation lately (it's where he grew up, and where the ex girlfriend he has now got back together with lives). And for some PATHETIC reason, I hate hearing any word that reminds me of him in the slightest. And that's when I realise, I'm NEVER going to get over this guy. Is it like death; you have to carry it with you for the rest of your life? If so...it seriously sucks. But of corse love is different. I mean, he's not dead (to my knowledge), he's happy and moved on with his life; and doesn't want me so I don't want him. However, thee's forever a part of me that still cant let go and has to carry that pain of losing him around.

Life sucks; to conclude. It really does. I mean, we wake up, get on with a lot of rather pointless or avoidable eraands, then go back to sleep only to get up and carry on with the same routine. What is the point of our existence other than to just live and have a load of torturous things happen to ourselves to try and miserably comprehend. We're all just animals; nature's evolution from a beautiful and pure living green and blue ball that spins in an axis. Ultimately, our existance serves no real purpose, yeah okay, we help each other, learn grow and evolve...but we all die cause we're just energy. Sometimes, I just look at a bug on the ground, and wish I was the same. At least a bug doesn't have to deal with money, bullies, devastating diseases and love, life, death and dealing. It just exists because it's supposed to and gets on with it without making everyone else's existence more painful.

We should all just be bugs, crawl along the earth, emotionless, harmless and simple. Least then when we die; we dont get dragged through a whole load of emotionally stressful and trecherous cr*p.

I'm such a happy go lucky person. :)

Almost died, DIED I tell ya!

So, today I decided that I would go to Craig's so Amie could get some pictures of me for her uni work. Its only 2 miles up the road from mine, so figured that what with the roads being quite nicely clear now, it would be fine. So I drove to his after having to jump start the car (the car decided that after 5 days of not using it, it would hibernate). I got to Craig's and after 20 minutes, heavy snow started to fall. Gutted, me Amie and Katie made arrangements to quickly get home, so Amie got her photos done, and i got a few done for my work (not that it was any use seeing as Photoshop refuses to load my RAW format...grr!). And I had the worst shortest journey ever home. I had to slam down on the accelerator to get the car out off the side of the road, and then skid and slide all the way out onto the mainish road. I havent driven in proper snow before, so was taken aback by how the car wouldn't turn the corner, and got the shock of my life when the car swerved into the other lane. I pulled myself straight, got to bearings with what speed to stick at and how far the wheel would turn, when I got to the roundabout. And yet again, as I took my right turning off, the car simply refused to turn and I almost careered straight into the left hand side of the roundabout. I continued like this for a while, and wanted to cry! I got home, but couldnt make the sharp right turn to my parking space, and nearly hit the neighbours car. So I parked up on the side of the road, got out and made Dad park!

Sorry, but snow isn't worth dying over! I'm meant to be at a hair salon tomorrow in leighton buzzard, but we're forecast more snow, so I'm debating at what point to text the photographer I'm working with and say I'm whimping out. Believe me, I know it's silly to put life on hold over it, but now I've been out in it, I really don't ever want to again cause next time I won't be so lucky to have next to no cars on the road and I'll get hit by some other idiot in the least.

So there's my snow adventure for today! I really don't know what I'm gonig to do tomorrow yet; even if the roads have cleared, who's to say it wont snow that badly while I'm in Buzzard?? Nooo thankyou, much rather be indoors. Boring, but safe!!!

Photography

Here is the link for my new photography blog,, Bloomed Photography . Got a few kinks to work out stll, such as I need to start posting in RAW cause JPG is just PANTS ;). Also, I really want to start making my own website, I just dont know how :/

It's been snowing since last night; and I'm not looking forward to going to work in it! Have been at home, reeling from a bad dream still and trying to do some work for uni. Most of it is planning really, and thankfully I have gathered what work I want to do photography wise, and just need to crack on with the written stuff. College should be closed tomorrow as it's meant to snow all week; and I dont want to drive to great linford in this weather to see mates as I'm supposed to, so at least I will have another whole day to get cracking on with stuff.

Saw Revolutionary Road yesterday at Cineworld; and I really enjoyed it. The boyf hated Kate Winslet's character, who was this really unhappy woman who wanted to change her life and have something more; and so kind of took it out on the husband. I understand in all its entirety, yet the boyf didn't. Is it just me; or is it a male/female thing? I just totally understood why she took it out on him and how she felt.

Wednesday I'm hoping to go see a lighter film than this one; as it was quite heavy hearted. And Bolt seems like a good choice when it comes out on Friday! I'm a big kid deep down.

Right I'm off to read a book I jsut got in the post, "Simulacra and Simulation" by Jean Baudrillard. I've wanted to read this for ages! Happy snowman building everyone!

Uni Pressure Finally Kicking In...

I started a new blog this week after a kick up the arse on Tuesday www.bloomed-photography.blogspot.com as a way to document to the world; my photography "journey". I thought it was a good idea to make a separate blog that talks about my experiences, the work I've made and also what I hope to achieve with my career. could have done it in this blog; but I wanted to keep this to a more personal level to an extent.

I haven't seen the boyfriend in a week because I have been so busy with different things at uni and with friends. I spent maybe the whole of December doing no work, so I have to make up for lost time. Got a lot to do in very little time. It's getting scary to think that in September, I will be in a real university, in a new class full of people I dont know and who will all already know each other. Very scary.

Talking about that; I went to a new class yesterday. It's a photography options class; where basically my course allows me to sit in with other people with a photographer and he gives us guidelines for how to do our individual photography projects. Not only was I left completely in the dark yesterday cause everyone had started a week earlier (I wasnt told the class had already started!) and everyone in the class completely blanked me. I'm bad with people; I find it very hard to stand out in a crowd. One on one, I can deal with. But 10 people who clearly all knew each other made me feel physically sick. Which I hated. The tutor wasn't there in the end; which didnt help me one bit as I got up at 7am to get to that class! And everyone was told to get on with their work. Hello?!! I didn;t know he had set a project?!! I'm very confused, and annoyed that I'm with a bunch of people who I probably wont get along with. I'll let you know how that pans out after next Friday...

Cna;t really report on much else. All it's been is workworkwork. However, got some interesting stuff lined up; a weddinf fayre to take pictures at on the 22nd Feb, haircut on the 21st Feb (ooh very exciting! :P), Snow Patrol gig on the 14th March, Amie's birthday party on the 7th March, wedding to take pictures at on the 14th February...the list goes on and on and on and on....